rejection, first date and what not to do...

if i can teach anyone anything it has to be how not to act or what not to do on a first date.....lets back track just a bit here, i was with my (ex) for 12 years married 7 of those years, then he left me like "THAT" really like a hot potato or a sack of shit, you choose!....sooo out of spite i joined a dating site OH WOE IS ME i tell you for i had joined the lonely hearts club and was down down down low down and need a pick me up quick...and out of my misery i met a boy(online) who's name was Anthony and very tall dark and oh so handsome BOY! and so we talked a little, text alot then........nothing! for about 4=5 months and out of no where (or maybe it was because Christmas had come around and he sent the same text to everyone) so out of no where like i said he wished me a merry Christmas......oh be still my beating heart!!!! and so the textathon began again.

he was pretty excited i wrote him back and he did keep mentioning "what a way to start a new year!" i took this in a good way like he was keen to finally meet up and see where it took us....and so we did meet up. oh the nerves of meeting this tall dark and absolutely handsome man.....so it was a Friday night that we met he suggested that he comes to my House and cook for me and i get the wine.....and so Friday night comes around and so does "ANTHONY". and so he cooks while i drink...the wine and talk and drink more wine.."oh good lord Rachel why did you drink the wine?" Dinner was cooked but we didn't eat me being me drank more wine and proceeded to make a complete fool of myself and scared the TDHM (tall dark handsome man) away. 5 days later he contacted me to say want an awesome night he had but doesn't think it would happen again.....WHAT DID I DO OR SAY WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE i have no idea all i know is he has gone and wont be back :( so take note ladies lay of the wine on the first date and save it for the rejection because you'll need it!

im a survivor

have you ever thought WHY? WHY does bad things happen to good people, WHY did that happen to me???? right now im caught up in the why did that happen to me...Why did i just spend almost 12 years with a guy, marry him for 7 years, have a son, buy a house, think everything was awesome only to get here and now i have a house, have a son, but i don't have that guy anymore...WHY did i have to go there to get here which is husband less???? what lesson have i learnt? that you never really know what is a round the corner, that woman's intuition doesn't always work, that you never really get to know the person your with??? they are just a few, the most important i have learnt is
1. its ok to be separated/divorced
2. its ok to be a single mum
3. my son is the most important person to me
4. i am way stronger than i give myself credit for
5. stop asking why because
I'm a survivor~!

has he gone forever?

3 months...has it been that long? already?! 3 months since the love of my life, well left my life.

I still remeber it, as clear as anything as sure as i was on that day, the day i met and fell instantly inlove with (HIM). and as sure as i was on that day, im sure its not done for good!

happiness is my state of mind!

from now on i will choose to be happy! don't wish me luck, i know i can do this!!!

i have been thinking is it really that hard to wake up of a morning and put a smile on your face and really mean it? i don't think so! i choose to have happiness as my state of mind from now on. they say that it takes 21 days to break a habit good or bad...looks like my happiness is now 21 days in the making!

i'll keep you posted! x

am i the only one that thinks that way?

sometimes i think, im going crazy! do you ever think like that? i could worry myself for no good reason into a state of panic, i guess because my biggest fear is to GO CRAZY, it terrifies me!

i know life can me so easy if you just let it be, but instead i put up obstacles for myself and hinder any kind of chance of just living the dream....cause in fact when i stop all my senseless worry for 5 seconds i can see that "i am living my dream".

its 9am and im still lying in bed with my son, im blogging and he's watching avatar, im under no pressure to get up and clean cook or whatever i should be doing as a part time stay at home mum, my husband isn't abusive in any way he never tells me NO, our son is AWESOME i am truly bless, we own our home, our car, we all have our health and really want for nothing.....its like i get bored and have to make a drama for myself, i dont know why i do this is exhausting analysing everything, thinking have i changed, i dont feel so happy go lucky this week dose this me insanity is creeping in??? honestly i have had a head ache for days and feel like i haven't slept and now re-reading this blog it just seems like one crazy senseless rant and why act like a sitting duck waiting for it to come creeping in when it most probably wont, there is more chance of getting up and having the most brilliant day of my life then slipping in to the insanity abyss that im so afraid of and give all my energy to.......im starting to sound more like a bored house wife that just needs to get a life!!!!

i might go and start enjoying my life! x